My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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