So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize