you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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