I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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