Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize