So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
