Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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