Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Randomize
