Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
