I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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