wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
