She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
