the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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