Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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