Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
