i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize