Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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