i just wanna soil my oats bro
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
