THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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