somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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