yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
