So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
