We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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