I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
