At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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