I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
