I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
