Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
