no, he came in my armpit
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
