I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
