so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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