I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
