I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
