Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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