I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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