are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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