At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I need to stop coming to work sober
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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