just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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