You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
