Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
