so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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