we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Everything about him screamed your future.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
