She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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