she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
