I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
