I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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