I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
