your thong is hanging out like whoa
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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