Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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