Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
