I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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