Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just had sex on a roof
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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