Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
