I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
