Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
