It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
