Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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