took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
