and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
