drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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