suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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